Friday, October 20, 2006

this day i have felt to be alone... let's just call it "soul searching."

i stroll the mall, walk alone, window shop alone. its not that i am not used to it, but really; its been a long time eversince i have done such crazy act of being myself, walking nowhere at 7:30 pm in the paths of Roxas, Taft, Ortigas and Shaw. to head for home or not, its none of my business.

i was still in desperate of finding a pRO EP13 Installer but unfortunately it came too late for me because it was just yesterday that it became so phenomenal. certified out of stock. I was in the Megamall, searching for my lost, inconvenient self until i got hungry... i realized i haven't eaten anything yet; nor breakfast and lunch... so i ordered a lasagna meal in Greenwich.. sipped my tea, stared in space, waited for my meal, ate alone, stared blankly at couples eating the same kind i have, and in a while staring an empty chair in front of me...

now i realized that it was really sad to be alone. but on the other hand its as if making you somewhat independent and wise... in the MRT you could feel no one cares for you, like they wanted to ride and head home immediately so they push for passengers to go inside. i felt helpless.. and somewhat gaining patience.

you see, this isn't the first time i have encountered the feeling, but it seems that my mind and my heart was telling me that it really makes me feel incomplete... and lost... and shit. as if you are really meant to be alone and just ignore the hard feeling.

in the end? i haven't got any Installer... i even haven't searched my soul.

man, reverse me.

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