immense self-pity + decisions + adik?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

katatapos lang namin maglaro. well, si beng hindi pa. hehe.. sya nalang ang lone survivor sa mga oras na to... salamat kina pao at bert at sinali nyo sya sa ating guild... hehe, mas marami, mas masaya!

hmm... wala pa ko pinagsabihan ng problema ko maliban ke bert. hindi alam ng mga classmates ko ang dilemma na kinakaharap ko nagyon. (shempre alam na pag nabasa na nila to) ayoko lang sabihin, kasi.... ewan. well siguro some would care, some would not. eh i was thinking i would just waste time if i tell them... ayoko ring umasang makakalap ng supporters etch etch... isa pa, mukha namang enjoy ang mga sem break nila... haha, nag self-pity ang loka... reality bites.. ayoko namang maki jamming pa sa kasiyahan nila no... i would just ruin their fun. isa pa, lagas na kami ng isa. our lbockmate denise will be migrating on january next year.. meaning, hindi na sya papasok this coming sem... sad, but true... mamimiss ko sya...

one factor i don't want to spill my thoughts over my blockamtes at mga ka-close, kasi nga ayoko pang mapaisip sila... hay. sabihin mo na gusto mo sabihin, na makasarili ako and whatever... i just dont want to tell... i might hurt myself as well.

kaninang lunch, i texted my father about this... in the end he got me placed into making a decision of shifting courses.. well, that is, kung gusto ko at kung palagay ko raw eh nahihirapan na ko sa archi... basta he said he won't let me stop studying... na-touch naman ako.... lalo tuloy ako nanlumo at the same time... kasi kung generous lang asa grades ang mga prof namin, well maybe we could have done better din.. lalong ma-inspire... eh sa gantiong kaso, nakakawalang gana. ok fine i would say take this as a challenge, pero hindi na challenging e... nakakalungkot isipin na 38K per sem then all this? we tried our best, but then parang walang effort... dad said i inquire to PUP, but then i said, lalo lang ako mahihirapan.. new environment, new faces, new way of teaching kahit anu pa.. but whenever i think of them spending so much for me, naiisip ko ring magstop na talaga... i could always go back to school if i want... pero not now... not now that i am feeling happy on my work.. on my studies... sa mga nangyayari sakin as araw-araw. i feel inspired... i feel i have great company...

ngayon sem break, nagpapakasaya na ko habang me pwersa pang kaya pang ilabas... ito na ang chance ko... still, the thinking that i may not go and continue schooling anymore remained unanswerable. >.<

keeping still...

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