Sunday, October 15, 2006

its been a while.

all things in school are done, since yesterday was the final day for final examinations. my friends decided to have an outing two days ago, and the fact that the day we are supposed to be together is today, here am i, typing these lines in front of my computer... in my house.

mom didn't allow me to join, though i beg a lot, cry a lot, and assure her a lot that it is going to be okay. yep, i did cry a lot; knowing that this is the first time i would be perhaps in this sort of things. whenever i recall what i did pleading so much, i grow so sad. it made me feel so helpless, even though it is only an outing. whenever i think of it, i sobbed quietly... even now.

well you see, i have observed that i have never felt so supported emotionally by my folks here, eversince i entered college. its as if mentally they were telling me and blaming me why i chose this course. i have never felt my brother to be proud of me. never in my life.

i know, things got so cruel since all of the day's expense day by day, add my tuition fees and other stuff for example. i don't know if i have cleared all my courses last semester, but i do hope so much that i did. so that they would not scold me so much then...

about the outing, i always consider that they always care for me that is why they don't allow me to come. but that's not the issue anymore... since they don't support me emotionally, i have never been felt so this before... i am not trusted... like i will give total humiliation to the family. it hurts though... really hurts.

so then. i try to ease the pain by watching anime series emman gave me. and i am still counting for his compilation set though. i don't care if i cause trouble the whole day by not helping them with the chores. this is what they want. they don't want me to be happy, even for just once. just once. i don't care if mom would not talk to me that much. i don't blame her for being so overprotective... but i hope she does not blame me for being a childish, immature rebel just this very once...

i need to be alone.

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