chicken little + OPEN-UP + final remnant thoughts on KENJI, still.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

[ [ k a n j i t e :: ... ] ]
[ [ u t a :: Akin Ka Na Lang ~Itchyworms ] ]

i didn't got much time last night to write due to some 'things' that has happened... (gagayahin ko si dar: please visit my heart for more details..) lol.

the ace player of the Acorns!!

two weeks (or three i forgot) ago, my colleagues and i planned to watch Chicken Little. we were about seven (or 6? did marynor said yes?) who said yes, but then when the date was put into reality, only the four of us (composed of beng, kring, zarah and me. but zarah refused to go either on the watching-the-movie thing; she said she'll meet her dentist then...) decided to watch still. eyns and geran were nowhere to be seen. (imagine we didn't find geran! haha lol) we still had zarah back then when we're eating at tokyo-tokyo at sm manila but as i said, she said she had this appointment with her dentist... so that leaves the three of us.

gorgeous beng influenced (haha, influenced talaga e no...) reklamador kring to wear--according to the universal-kabaklaan-code. yeah... i was the lone-dignified-solid wearing my athletic outfit (it was our pe before that.. [hey, i'm doing well in the lay ups!]) and so the movie started... it was kinda relating to me and to beng as well. you know... proving yourself to your parents (to my dad, specifically) and showing them that you, despite of being frail and being discouraged by several morons, could still withstand whatever trials being fixed right in front of your nose. the movie lasted for about an hour and a half, that i said to myself, deep inside, that i feel quite regretful with the money i spent, but you see, if i count how many times i laughed and chuckled with them around, it was worth the fun. thanks guys.

a while ago we had a little realization regarding again on kenji and his mysterious early death. even if they wouldn't tell, they were hiding something from the outside, in which maybe they thought this should be out of our "kiber". you know... to butt off. theories were then raised, and i have mine as well. if this is been sort of foulplay, as what the source's opinion was saying, then it could have been done with dirty hands. you get what i mean? up until now, i still can't believe it. you know what i am really thinking? well, yeah, that was the first one, and the other theory would be, maybe... just maybe... it was all a lie.

maybe he was still alive. somewhere, out there. it was all in scripts, maybe it was all a setup. but then again my mind would say why would they waste their effort fooling on us? but that wasn't the full main concern in here. the point is, what if, (and the what if's again and again...) it was true also?

we had short lives to live, whether we like it or not. as what my classmate is telling also, there are many questions that will rise as the time and the mystery will flourish. still, doing this isn't the solution. we all know that. we've known him even for a short while and we know he had dreams to ponder too. his life wouldn't just end like that. we know he had so many things that he wanted to do, to feel and to experience... this is unfair.

why? you see, if he really meant to do it on purpose (just an IF), hasn't he thought of his single life, equivalent to almost a countless people who wanted STILL to live in this world? he's so unfair to think that he just took away his life just like that, and in the contrary a lot of people were spending millions of money because they wanted to spend more time existing in this world? well if he would yell to my face na "kanya-kanya tayo, walang pakelamanan ng buhay", then i would ask him to let me do the killing for himself and be blinded by that Eudaemonistic theory...


as i was saying on the earlier lines, (just scroll it up) a while ago my big brother called to tell me if we could meet at the gateway mall after my class... when i got there, he was deciding if he would buy again a cd. (takteng hobby yan... nakakahawa!) but that wasn't the point in here. he treated me dinner at the teriyaki boy. wow. as usual, he has generated our food-trip-instincts again, with me as his co-critic.

in the middle of our meal, i opened up one serious thing about me. i told him, that my mind is open to a serious relationship with someone. well, that is, if someone would... you know... basta! all in all i told him that i mind and my heart is open to a new 'level', as what other people say. would you believe? he just grinned at me. he was actually grinning at me-- i don't know! if that was humiliating, well maybe it really is... see, opening that topic to your sibling, to my selfish-impossible big brother that i almost curse into my previous entries? it was so hard for me... if i was blushing, i wouldn't mind. then, he was telling me that if i was sure of myself. i nodded. and added-- wishing that our parents would also have a wide understanding about this, especially my dad... or my mom? whoa. you see, we are only two in the family, and i wouldn't deny that they watch out for me.

my father and i were close, even joking with this matter most of the would make him laugh. he was grinning too like the rest gestures they were showing me. it's like it is impossible for me to deal with this things, for a certain fact that i move like boyish and all, and that i feel i'm somewhat quite pitiful. but then i can't just kid around forever. i know that. he knows that. and by that time i want him to let me decide for these things. and he would understand me. my big brother said, "of course papa will do. you are 18 now. you shouldn't be told to do this and that. you have your brain to use for." though he was vocal and prank, what lies were all true. he even teased me if who's that unlucky guy i've been blinded, and asked me to describe a little. (haha.. kakahiya.) somehow i thank kuya for letting me go out in my shell... this was really the very first time. and hopefully not the last.

again... i know every individual has his own point of view. mine is just that simple stupid one but hey, that's what im feeling. i feel sad... sick and tired all over again. no one wanted it to happen, that's for the least. we still got to move on, and deal with our own lives too... still, we just can't stay things this way and just meet our end. we got to keep moving also and value the most important things in us... especially our life. do repentance for our wrong doings, and change for the BEST ant to stick to what is right.

though we've been shared by this blinding fact we got, kenji's my friend also... and just like the others, i would definitely, certainly, be solemnly praying for his soul.

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