nothing but a MOuRNING STARe

Saturday, August 06, 2005

[ [ k a n j i t e :: numb ] ]
[ [ u t a :: It Ain't Over ~Lenny Kravitz ] ]

the moment i woke up, i started to compete taking deep stares at the opposite cream-colored wall, feeling mild frozen. still eyes wide open, i felt somebody lie down right beside me. mom. it was dark, but i could sense it was her... warm presence enveloped my body. guess she was still indulged by the cold weather, giving in for another morning nap. another pair of salt water conquered my cheeks, the right one came first than the other. i fixed myself as i took a lost sigh. luckily she didn't notice it, one thing that i'm thankful for. it was still ordinary dimmed room, that one ray of light from our window sill didn't help to illuminate any single spot.

kuya popped up suddenly, turning on the lights. i buried myself in my pillow, showing them my discomfort. brother told us the perfume he wanted dad to buy for him, and so with mom. i still did the staring at the wall in front of me, hearing those mixed voices of my delightful company. he kept on asking me why i was still there and haven't left for school. i replied with fake snores, telling him the reason. he seemed quite convinced as i stole a glance on him, i didn't know. well i don't care either.

then my brain starts wandering again, encouraging myself to remain calm once more. how could just one fact would ruin my fun-loving self, and would turn me into a hopeless being, a girl who wanted to ebb for all the hurting she felt, because of just a single truth she had just painfully discovered...

i couldn't take it... i never would.

i say mom got tired lying down, as brother left the small room where i hid my vulnerable thoughts. she rose up, and did care to ask me what i want to eat for lunch. "anything" i mumbled, though in fact i really don't want to take anything edible to eat. if i could only tell her i wanted my old, bubbly self back for a nice luncheon break, i could've been very glad. but it just so happened that i was there, still staring the wall that has never gave up on me.

i checked my phone. earth calling abbey, it's past 9am. i remember i have so much school stuffs to finish, yet i sighed several times then.

mom turned off the lights for me. i sobbed... well, again by chance.

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