so good to start august...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

[ [ k a n j i t e :: kinda depressed... ] ]
[ [ u t a :: Heaven Knows (This Angel Has Flown) ~Orange and Lemons ] ]



i closed my eyes for a bit, imagining if this could've just blinding me to the reality that has been brought me... strained it may was, i don't give a damn... i just want to feel being told by those words i never heard all my life...

there i was: reading the lines by heart, telling me the things this person liked and admired about me and all... i have gone teary eyed, as if in any moment my heart would go out inside me and go run after it like a lost child. silly.

this someone told me he missed me so much. so much that he even confessed nothing but his love... he loved me so much. and told me to take good care of myself always... how sweet... how true... in this unexplainable conspiracy he did made me go love him more than ever... how i waited for this time to come...

how i wanted to tell him that i've been longing for this moment... for him to say that he loved me too. that i meant special in a way... for him to tell me that it wasn't just plain amusement that we're feeling anymore... so deep... it has been true inside us, so true... not until...

until my memory whirled up, being washed down by the coldness dealt by the wind that had slipped under my blanket. no... i wasn't having any blanket either. i woke up-- my eyes suddenly snapped at 0.9 sec, checking myself, realizing that it was all smothering me. there... i tried to sleep again, weighing my pillow in my head, but then there i was, hearing his voice that has been redundantly echoing in my head as i nearly sobbing into the fact that i could never tell this person how he mean a lot to me too...


my thoughts have flown... i cried.


not enough, i noticed my pillow had gone wet done by my tears.



same old story... same unusual thing.


awful, i woke up crying again from my dream.


mom threw a blanket on my shivering body. i did what i did. there...

i hugged myself as i dig my face into my cold, trembling hands, muffling in silence once again...





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