kadramahan #2...
hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko ngayon. kanina lang para akong natutuwang kumakain ng pansit canton na ako rin ang nagluto, maya-maya tila maiisip na bakit ang canton kulay dilaw... ako rin anghugas ng pinagkainan ko at bigla na lang maiisip na kinaugalian ko na kausapin ang mga pinggan na kahit kailan naman hindi ako sasagutin. oh man...hay... bakit ba kasi kailangang sumaya... bakit ba naimbento pa yan...naghihintay ata ako sa wala. meron ba akong dapat hintayin(?), yun ang dapat na tanong... para akong maiiyak na hindi ko malaman, parang sasabog ang puso ko na hindi ko maintindihan. minsan parang gusto kong unawain ang lahat, na kaya kong tiisin ang mga nararamdaman ko, gusto kong intindihin na ang bawat gagawin ko me kasamang saya at/o lungkot... siguro nga naghahanap din ako ng problema gaya ng karamihan. sanay kasi ang mga taong nakikita akong masaya, maingay, parang wlang problema. hindi ako nagtanim ng galit kanino man, bakit ko gagawin yon, kung baka mamaya oras ko na...nagsasawa na ko sa ganitong set-up ng buhay ko, na naghihintay pa rin ng pagbabago ng kapalaran. lahat na yata ng tao panay tanggi, puro denial. hinihintay ko yung araw na mafa-flatter ako ng sobra-sobra... yung tipong sasaya ako dahil me nakakapansin sakin ng pagbabago rin. pero parang malabo... kaya nga ba gustung gusto kong umuulan e. nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa ulan. kung gaano ko kasaya pagmasdan ang masakit na katotohanang hindi ko maikakaila.sana lumaya na ang mga tulad kong nababalutan ng pag-aalinlangan... ng takot. takot na masaktan...ngayon lang ang dramang ito... susubukan kong tiisin ang sakit. ang pangungulila... ang pananabik... ang saya...hindi ako sanay pero... susubukan ko ang salitang 'pagbabago'... gusto mo sumama ka pa...
star city x dreams x knock down...
i was so tired last night. onii-chan kasi gave me free rides to star city. sus... ok naman kahit wag na, but he needs company.. haha. something like sibling bonding huh... well... basta ba treat nia ko dinner.
but before nun, nagka reunion dito sa apartment. death aniversary kasi nung old landlady namin. sakto, andun ung pinaka-hate kong apo ng landlady namin! kakainis. ewan ko kung sadya ciang nagpapacute o papansin. pareho lang ba yon? pero i could say he ain't that ugly... bsta nakakainis sya. whenever i see richard's face, i can't help but to remember that night na sobrang kinagagalit ko, and at the same time ikinapupula ng mukha ko. >_<
back to star city happening...
to tell you, 2nd time ko lang ulit nakarating ng star city. (the first was just last xmas, 2004!)i was with onii-chan, and his officemates--ate stella and kuya walter. first ride was that xyclon loop, na konti pa lang ang taong nakapila... panu ba naman, isang round lang finish na? ganun lang. kaya mabilis yung flow... then we went to haunted mansion something, na kulang nalang crain ang damit ko ng mga ka-officemates ni kuya. (c kuya walter lalo! haha) though alam ko n mga panggulat, d ko pa rin maiwasang mapa- "aaaaaahhh!!" tiring, but then that was hilarious... powering up.. super fun.
plastado ako pag-uwi ng bahay. i texted guildmate pao and told him i won't log on this time. he replied he was with bert, levelling up or so. then after i replied my last, damn, my mind ventured into another world... plastado na talaga...
hey, i dreamed pao replied to me... or wait, ang alam ko talag nagreply pa c pao e. this is quite freaky you know? as far as i remember i placed my phone sa lugar na hindi ko na maaabot kapag nakahiga ako! but hey, i woke up holding it. and then a while ago i asked pao again if he replied me still. he said no. pero... pero... bkit hawak ko yung phone?! and who texted me in my dream?
ayoko naman maging dream interpreter no. sapat na ang nakakaramdam ng mga bagay2 na hindi nakikita ng ordinaryong tao.
C H A N G E... ... ...
would all things in the world change if i change?i am not pertaining world as big as what you think. i'm contented with what the world--my world as it defines me. often times i told myself i won't undergo and hold things this way, the way when one big part of me starts to change. i won't go with the flow just like the rest, i have my word..but...they laughed at me 'coz they think i'm way different... so odd, so weird... i act normal as what my body does, but it seems no one notices it. when i'm alone, i try to reminisce the days i'm full of my life, chuckling and grinning to simple things, add up endless appreciation to someone who causes me that much. as cold breeze carressing my face, i can't help but to camber myself a wide smile. i did it, did the best for it, until in a very while it was gone from my lips as it was altered; as if tasting my nastiest prize of my entire daydreaming. salt water...what if i start to change? no... here i am again, wondering and wandering for a better conclusion of this another reverie i started. and then i saw one line from my friend. "everything changes..." maybe. maybe not... well maybe i didn't see for myself i was changing in a way.. maybe i was... or wasn't.i surely admit life's not perfect. i'm not even close in getting there... maybe i'm not sure to what i am looking for... i can't imagine myself lie low with what personality i have right now... in this dark room i'm currently located, upon staring at the lines im currently typing as well, i finally convince myself that no matter what happens--if i change or not--it wouldn't be that so much. i, at least would leave a single wacky trait inside me."they laughed at me 'coz they think i'm different... i laughed at them 'coz i think they're all the same..." ~UST CFAD tshirt quote...
~LIFE SUPPORT
Life Support~Halesarcastic smiles and fake helloswe try to hide but alwaysleave an open door behindto escape from reality...why are you crying...why are you crying?oh... oh... oh... oh...it felt so sure but we said nowe're throwing lies at someonewe don't know, we don't knowfrom this reality...why can't we risk our livesfor something that we can't deny?we try to run from somethingwe don't know, we don't knowis this reality...is this reality...?why are you crying...why are you crying...?oh... oh... oh... oh...oh... oh... oh... oh...i feel so sorry...i feel so sorry...i feel so sorry...i feel so sorry...oh... oh... oh... oh...i feel so sorryfor me...
nangitim ako....>_<
i am feeling: tired (as usual), annoyed waiting for this RO patch to be finished, sleepy...currently listening to: Shiawaseni Narou ~Utada Hikarurecap... happenings sa wake at interment ng cousin ko...nakarating kami nung sunday (may 15) sa pangasinan mga 3pm na. katatapos lang umulan nun. kya ang rubber shoes ko at that time, sinalubong ng putik... yebah.when we got to the spot, mom can't help but to cry... i was there to comfort her, pero kahit ako di ko napigil nung bigla kong makita yung fave sunglasses nia... then after that we rest for a while sa bahay na pinaka tinutuluyan namin... ganun ang setup ko ng isang buong linggo... kung wala ako sa lamayan, senti trip ako sa rooftop. yap! read it right! ang natatangi kong hideout. ganda kasi don.. (kahit na ako lang ang nagsaabi)... haha, u can't just get those artistic nerves out from your system.. naks!
grabe nung mga panahong yon tila ang celphone ko magkakaron na ng lumot! kulang nalang tamnan na ng patatas at kabute dahil walang nagtetext!! tas almost my relatives were smart users... eh uso pa naman yung "258" unlimited text, so i borrowed the number i used to have (binigay ko na kasi sa province yung smart sim ko) and nag-unlimited. two of my best buds Avon and Madie were smart users, kaya naki-jamming ako...what else... kung wala ako sa bubong, hinihiram ko bike ng late uncle ko, tas stroll-stroll... sa malawak na bukirin... wow, province na province! hehe... then last two wakes left, mom said i'm going to be taking shots of the interment. parang ayoko. but then nangyari na, ako ang nagkukha ng mga litratong puro iyakan at lungkot ang makikita.sang-ayon ka? mas masarap kumuha ng litrato ng mga matang buhay kesa sa mga matang, buhay nga, pero matamlay...all in all, it ended so smoothly, shempre di pa rin maiiwasan ang mga iyakan at hiyawan...ito lang e... sa isang linggong itinagal ko dun, homesick ang inabot ko... nangitim pa ko lalo!! goooooodnesss!!! hope kuya jess' resting in peace now...til then...
back... im back...
sa wakas... after a week, home sweet home.im too lazy to tell my thoughts.... i just got tired playing ragnarok. so maybe i'll just listen to my mp3 and chat along with eman...gomen nasai....
i'll be gone for a couple of days...
bear with me... dahil sa week-long wake ng late cousin ko, we're send back to Pangasinan to give our condolences... so, i'll be gone for a while... basta, mapupuno na naman to ng new stories once i come back...see u...bugoy signing off for a while... -_-
that pic above is the Mt. Arayat in Pampanga... i got the chance to take shots of it, tutal that's my work during that day. ganda no? muni-muni ka muna...til then...
stolen wapaks!
ang lakas ng trip ko no? while we were stranded and parked for a while at the emergency parking in the north expressway, i saw these kiddos (from left: LJ, and niño) as if they were sharing life bits... yun pala nagpapataasan ng weewee!!
chasing for the Sunken Garden at Diliman...
i am feeling: tired, sleepy... tired, thirsty, tired... ohh.. did i say i'm tired?...currently listening to: Driver's High ~L'Arc~En~Ciel
oo... you read it right.
when insomnia has nothing to do with all that had happened! lolz.
i have my word... when i say i'll come, i come. I was with avon and her sis fiona abby a while ago... Abby kasi must attend the orientation at UP Dil... originally, sila lang ni bon ang magkasama. avon asked me if i wanted to come. i said yes, kahit na mga around 4am na ko natulog... i woke up mga 6:09am, then konting titig sa kisame, and off i go to the toilet...
mga 8am something nang makarating kami sa campus. when abby entered the bldg, avon and i were thinking of a place to hang out---sa ganoong kaaga. at first i was looking for the Sunken Garden, pero malas e. sa laki ba naman ng UP... stroll nalang kami... the ray's of the sun were still that healthy to the skin anyway...
walang Sunken Gardeng naabutan. darn... yaw ko naman sumakay sa UP ikot, ah basta! nag-ala 360 degrees nalang kami til we decided na mantrip... trip2x lang! baket ba...
"tara, Circle tayo..."
and so we did. avon suggested na magrent kami ng bike. great! isa lang ni-rent namin. salit-salit. waaaaaa! nagyaya sya magbike kami, yun pala ako lang ang magbbike! d pa kasi cia marunong... man... so, nag self-study muna cia, while im holding her bag, at ayun, balance-making all the way! pero in the end hindi pa rin nya nagawa... my body aches... my legs, sya, her butt and arms... ikamamatay namin ang kasiyahang iyon... sabay lusob sa arawan... taena. nakakahilo...
we decided to eat brunch at mcdo. kwentuhan til 11am. sabi ko ke avon itext nalang c abby na after ng orientation nia direcho sya agad sa mcdo.. then we continued chatting, sipping our coke floats, abby came...
then the rest was history...
until my sight started to change... tinatamaan na ko ng antok... my cap was almost blown hard by the wind.. leche! ang hanging napakainit!!
arrrgh... not that i hate summer season! sorry, i love rainy season more...
layout ulit...
d na ko nagsawa... oh well... comments... i would be glad if you would... www.fanfiction.net/~thoughtbubblespuntahan nio! wala lang! ^__^
reality bites... sometimes you just have to accept it.. .
currently listening to: Life Support ~Halepagkatapos naming mag-usap ni pao (my guildmate in pRO) sa ym, celphone ni mother dear tumunog. nakaka-annoy na talaga kasi, ang haba ng "My Immortal" para maging text alert nia. alam mo yun, parang whenever you receive SMS's, malungkot ka! parang "ahuhuhu, me nagtext na naman--ang saklap!"-ang dating! but, kidding aside, it was really and earth-shaking-shattering news. mama was sleeping already, pero naalimpungatan. i still got her phone and read the text. naguluhan ako kasi ilocano text nakalagay, but then i know some... and it says something like "patay" na at "tawagin na other relatives.." sabi ko sa nanay ko, read it for us. she ordered me to get her glasses, pero i cud sense naman na nababasa nya kahit wala ang mga iyon. then her phone beeped again, but this time, it was clear saying that my cousin--kuya jess-- had passed away.lahat kami sa bahay, na-shock. hindi pwede mangyari yon, coz last monday, he even gave us a ride on his tryke on way at the waiting shed sa kabilang bayan para mag-abang ng bus going to manila... kabiruan ko lang sya nung sunday, nung araw ng kasal ng pamangkin namin (uu, me niece na ko.. mga anak ng cousins kong matatanda na), and stuff... then all of a sudden. he's gone.tinawagan ni mama yung nag-inform sa amin, si kuya james--younger bro ni kuya jess. he said, he's sort of having a heart attack, which was really impossible. sabi kasi nila nanigas daw ang sikmura nya, and sinugod a town for twice. ung pangalawa, sa isa pang malayung bayan na yun. eh ang mga bayan samin, malalayo talaga...nung una d ako makatulog... but then... kinaumagahan, kanina nagpunta kami makati, sa office ni ama para magpadala ng sulat about my phil-am etc... tas nilibre ko ni kuya sa G4 ng lunch. sa mrt nakakatawa kasi nagka tech prob ang train, so made-delay ang alis. me dumating na bagong train, but the OP said, "manatili". makulit yung iba e. lumipat sila sa kabila. pero kami matibay. nakaupo pa rin kami. mabibilang mo na lang mga natira, including us... pero the OP came in. nag-regen, and boy, ang mga lumipat kanina, nagsibalikan! tawa kami ng tawa ni kuya jul, as in SOBRAng tawa, na ung iba, can't help but to laugh with us...bespren Avon and her sis abby will go to UP mamaya. sasama ako! hehehe... kaso mejo nagka-conflict pa kami ni Avon, kasi ako, bka hindi magising ng maaga... tulog-mantika ako e. pero sinabi ko naman sa kanya na sasama ako. hay! Avon, kaw talaga... i understand kung yaw mo umasa, pero aasa ka nga! kasi sasama ako! alrightie? peace na tau. lam mo naman, mejo tungaks pa ko sa bad news...
sa RO...ayun, ok naman. nagbenta nung una, tas sumama sa gh; kina bert, eman, ces at rich... salamat sa inyo... thanks for the company. at sa walang sawang pagresu sakin. ^__^sa pagmumuni-muni ko ngayon, ang dami kong natutunan na lesson... if it is your time, it's God's will. alam mo yun, wla ka nang magagawa, kapg sa isang iglap, iniiyakan ka nalang pala ng mga mahal mo sa buhay. sa isang hugutan lang ni Lord sa buhay mo, hindi ka makaka-hindi. kaya habang buhay pa, pahalagahan ang mga taong nakapaligid... you may not know... it's your last. and the worse thing is, you haven't told them how much you value them too...still, life goes on. . . ok na ako ngayon.oh man... what friday the thirteenth can do to our lives... no way... it's by fate.Aza Aza Fighting! -galing ke eman... (ang naruto kani-kanina lang...) si hinata, anjan lang yun. ^__^we just have to accept it. kaya mo yan! - sabi ni bert... (salamat lolo!)
new layout...
katamad, sobra... kagagaling ko lang sa school. dapat sana pupunta ako kina Avon kaso naghahakot na sila... haaaay... isa-isa na kau napapalayo saken...my golly...
cguro ganito muna ang layout until new ideas will come out. i dunno... i just felt... oh man... lazy. tama.
no images nor photos this time... i told you.. i'm in the 'sloth mode'...
til then....
oh well... i'm trying to do something new aside from the things i used to... so... eto na! it just slipped out from my head na - "bugoy!! ang blog moo!!" *sighs*... til then... i hope i could update this more often...
comments..... bahala na kayo...
